In a recent podcast by Lewis Howes, psychologist Sadia Khan, a renowned expert in psychodynamic therapy and a specialist in relationships was invited, and she is unraveling the complexities of modern dating. Drawing from her extensive knowledge in the realms of relationships and personal development, psychologist Sadia Khan has consistently provided valuable guidance for individuals in their pursuit of love and companionship.
Relationships are an essential part of human life, providing us with companionship, emotional support, and a sense of belonging. However, it’s no secret that not all relationships stand the test of time.
In fact, statistics suggest that a significant number of romantic relationships end within their first year. While the specific percentage may vary from study to study, it’s not uncommon to hear that around 70% of relationships don’t make it past their first year.
But why is this the case? What factors contribute to such a high rate of early relationship dissolution? In this article, we will explore some of the key reasons behind why so many relationships end during their first year.
Psychologist Sadia Khan – insights about relationships
When asked “Why do people struggle the most now to have a healthy and beautiful relationship?”, psychologist Sadia Khan said:
“It’s the illusion of options we’ve got today that we’ve never had before in the form of online dating, social media and pornography. What that means is when we enter in relationships we’re almost assessing if that partner is worthy of us.
There’s almost an element of narcissism when we walk in we’re like ,,Can I get better, Can I get the most I can get, is this the most satisfying sexual relationship I’ve ever had?” and if that person doesn’t take every single box up, instead of reflecting on what you need to heal and what you need to bring to the table and how you can help this ratio survive we simply replace them with the illusion of options.”, psychologist Sadia Khan said.
You can watch the podcast here:
What should we really be asking ourselves before we start dating someone?
“How are my personal insecurities going to ruin this relationship? Because we go into a relationship almost blind to our own wounds and they resurface in the relationship and we blame them for not providing the medication of a wound that existed before we met them.”
So, once we take inventory of our personal insecurities how can we then create a buffer going into a relationship so we don’t self-sabotage?
“We make sure that we are trying to heal that awareness without expecting that person to break their back to help us heal. If I know I have an issue with jealousy I’m trying to work on it but at the same time the person doesn’t have to break their back to make sure I feel soothed.”
Why do we see so many women causing frustration in their relationship when they start dating a man based on a wound that someone else did, not the man in front of them?
“Because we’ve created a generation of narcissistic women and what’s happened is the rise of social media and the rise of online dating and the rise of feminism has taught women that they are not to blame for any poor choices. Every poor choice is glamorized, so if you want to be a sex worker it’s great, if you want to post in bikini pictures online it’s fine, if you want to be in with every poor choice is glamorized and every internal reflection is seen as gaslighting yourself.
So they’ve even got talents for internal reflection to prevent it from happening and so what will happen is they are trained to not reflect on themselves because we’ve been told we’ve been oppressed for so many years, now it’s time to make sure we project and so we don’t take any accountability.
As a result when we get into relationships if we don’t feel completely soothed all the time, he must be a narcissist, he must be a manipulator, he must be gaslighting, he, he , he, rather than I, I, I.”, said psychologist Sadia Khan.
So, what are the key reasons why so many relationships end during their first year?
1. Unrealistic Expectations
One of the primary reasons behind early relationship breakups is unrealistic expectations. Often, when people enter a new relationship, they have high hopes and ideals about what it should be like. They may have unrealistic expectations about their partner, believing that their significant other should fulfill all their needs and desires. When reality doesn’t align with these expectations, disappointment and conflict can ensue, leading to the breakdown of the relationship.
2. Lack of Communication
Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. However, many couples struggle with open and honest communication, especially in the early stages of a relationship. This can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and a growing sense of frustration. Over time, the lack of communication can erode the connection between partners, ultimately leading to a breakup.
3. Rushing into Commitment
In some cases, couples may rush into commitments such as moving in together or getting married within the first year of their relationship. While there’s no universal timeline for when these steps should be taken, pushing too quickly into commitment can put immense pressure on the relationship. It’s essential to allow the relationship to develop naturally and ensure both partners are on the same page before taking significant steps like cohabitation or marriage.
4. Incompatibility
No matter how much two people care for each other, sometimes they are simply not compatible. Incompatibility can manifest in various ways, including differences in values, lifestyles, goals, and interests. When these differences are too significant, it can create tension and lead to the dissolution of the relationship.
5. External Pressures
External factors can also contribute to the breakup of relationships in their first year. Pressure from family, friends, or societal expectations can weigh heavily on a couple’s decision-making process. It’s crucial for couples to prioritize their own feelings and needs rather than succumbing to external pressures.
6. Emotional Baggage
Many people bring emotional baggage from previous relationships into new ones. Unresolved issues, trust issues, or past traumas can impact the dynamics of a new relationship. If these issues are not addressed and dealt with, they can become a significant obstacle to the relationship’s growth and stability.
While it’s disheartening to hear that a significant percentage of relationships end within their first year, it’s essential to remember that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some early breakups can be a result of people recognizing incompatibility or addressing issues that would have only caused more pain and suffering in the long run.
However, it’s equally important to be aware of the common pitfalls that lead to early relationship endings, such as unrealistic expectations, lack of communication, and rushing into commitments. By understanding these factors, individuals can work to build healthier, more resilient relationships that have a better chance of standing the test of time.
